Christmas Jokes

50 of the worst Christmas Jokes we could dig up!

How would Santa get to work?
By-icicle!
Who hides, just before Christmas Dinner?
A Mince-spy!
How long are Rudolph's legs?
Just long enough to reach the ground!
Why is a Christmas tree like a bad seamstress?
They both drop their needles!
Where did Father Christmas go to Make Santa Claus The Movie?
Holly-Wood!
What Did Adam say to his wife on the night before the first Noel?
"It's Christmas, Eve!"
What do furious rodents post to each other at Xmas?
Cross-mouse cards!
Andy is our web designer, do you know what is his favourite Christmas Carol?
Dot com all ye faithful!
Be naughty - save Santa coming out on a winter night!
What do you get when you cross a bell with a skunk?
Jingle smells, Jingle smells, jungle all the way!
At Christmas 50% of people will get fatter, but we have rounded that figure up!
What does Santa call Reindeer that do not help deliver presents?
Dinner!
Why does Santa use a chimney to get into your house?
Because it soots him!
How do you know Santa could never be woman?
She wouldn't wear the same outfit every year!
What is white, lives at the North Pole, takes its fur off and runs around naked?
A polar bare!
What do you call a gigantic Polar Bear?
Nothing, just run away!
How do you get milk form a polar bear?
Nick it from his fridge!
Why is Christmas just like any other day in the office?
Because you do all the work and some fat guy gets all the credit!
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice Caps!
What kind of Christmas tree has the sharpest needles?
A porcupine!
Why don't polar bears eat penguins?
Because their paws are too big to cope with the wrappers!
What do the elves sing to Santa on his birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow!
Why don't penguins fly?
Because their flippers cant grip the planes controls!
What famous Christmas carol is this: ABCDEFGHIJK MNOPQRSTUVWXYZ?
NOEL!
What is green, covered with tinsel and goes "ribbet ribbet"?
A mistle-"toad"!
Why are the Police Homicide Department looking for Santa?
Because we went out Sleighing!
What do wild animals sing at Christmastime?
Jungle bells, jungle bells, jungle all the way!
Why does Santa need 3 gardens?
So he can hoe-hoe-hoe!
What is the best key to get at Christmas?
A turkey!
How do sheep say Happy Christmas to each other?
A Merry Christmas to ewe!
What do elves learn at school?
The elf-abet!
What squeaks and is scary?
The Ghost of Christmouse Past!
Why do birds fly south in the winter?
Because they can't afford the bus fare!
Where do polar bears go to vote?
At the North Polling Station
What do you call a reindeer with no ears?
Anything, he can't hear you!
What do you call a reindeer with no eyes?
No idea!
What do you call a reindeer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea!
Who delivers Christmas presents to cats and dogs?
Santa Paws
What did Santa get when he crossed a gift-wrap with Busta Rhymes?
Rapping paper!
What swings from trees in the jungle and covers a Christmas cake?
Tarzipan !
Remember a puppy is for more than Christmas, especially if you re-heat it over the following days.
What did the seals sing when they were served Christmas dinner?
"Whalemeat again, don't know where, don't know when!"
Who is never hungry at Christmas?
The turkey as he is nearly always stuffed!
What bird has wings but cannot fly?
Roast turkey!
What's the best thing to put into a Christmas Pud?
Your teeth!
What happens if you eat too many Christmas decorations?
You get tinsel-itus!
How is turkey like an old cushion?
I has plenty of stuffing.
What rodents work in espionage?
Mince spies!
How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
Deep pan, crisp and even!
At Christmas dinner you should strain your vegetables in an advent colander!

Do you think you could do any better (or should than be worse)? Send you Christmas jokes to noel@christmascostume.co.uk